So, I started this blog with the intention of simply voicing my opinions, my trials, my observations of being a woman who turned fifty this year. So far, looks like I'm not doing such a good job at keeping it going, but hoping to change that. Put myself on a schedule. It's not that I've had some new revelations, deciding there's not much going on for women over fifty, I just didn't want to gripe. Some days, that seems there's all there is and I at least want to be positive sometimes. My thoughts today, are sort of in the middle.
I've made an observation on several occasions, concerning women, and how families or loved ones set up their obituaries. Maybe it's just my issue but nonetheless, I'm guessing plenty of women my age may feel the same way. Last weekend one of my husband's cousins passed away, she was fifty five. I read her obit today. One item jumped out at me like a very sore thumb, her family listed her as a homemaker. Now, if you are happy and thrilled with that title, and there's no reason a woman shouldn't be if that's how her life was fulfilled, I would say it was an honor. However, if it's used just because the family didn't know how to define her life, didn't really know her very well, and it's used as a filler, then I find that sad and condescending, which, knowing the family, and this woman's life situation, it seemed to me they took the short cut.
I have warned my sons, and my husband, that if they must write up an obit for me one day NEVER, EVER, even consider putting down "she was a homemaker". I have never considered myself one. It was never a goal for my life. Yes, I have a wonderful family. I raised, along with a super husband, two fantastic sons. But I never, ever, considered myself a homemaker. Some women are perfectly fine with that description of their life, I am not. It's not that I've done great things in my life, but if I were listed as a "homemaker" in my obituary it would be a great big lie anyway. I've always managed to find things to do with my days and hours, when I quit working in the outside world, that had nothing to do with home making, or whatever that term homemaker really means.
I pride myself that I graduated from Ohio University in 1988 with a BS degree while taking care of our two sons. It wasn't easy and took me ten years to complete, but I finished what I started. I've worked at a few things in my life, substitute teacher, lab tech, librarian, children's horseback riding instructor. I love animals, especially my two horses. I waited for them until I was forty three. I'm a writer and a reader. I'm a loving wife and best friend to a wonderful man I've had the good fortune to share the last 29+ years with. I think I've been a good mom to my sons. My husband and sons are the dearest people in the world to me. I love the life my husband and I have carved out over the years. But, I've never considered myself a homemaker.
Maybe I go on a little bit too much about this. But in my fifth decade, I hope my family knows that there's been more to me than they could probably ever put into a few paragraphs in an obituary. And I was thinking that for my husband's cousin, there was probably more too. The two descriptive lines about her life, "She was a homemaker. She graduated from (name of school) in 1974." seemed so empty to me. I thought they could have done a better job to celebrate her life, regardless of the hardships she'd encountered.
I realize it sounds like I'm demeaning the label homemaker. That's not my intention. But I believe sometimes, it's used loosely when no one can figure out what to say about a woman, especially an older woman.
So, the older I get the more these kinds of things seem a little more important to me. How our lives are defined can't be summed up in the paragraphs of an obituary, that much is certain. Our individuality goes beyond a couple of descriptive words but those words should be chosen wisely by the loved ones left behind, if they haven't already been chosen by the one who has passed on.
I like what my husband said about his cousin, he remembers her as having a good heart and being a caring person, despite the troubled adult life she'd led. Feelings like that you can't get from an obit.
