No problem with No Thank You

Recently, I had to call a 1-800 number to activate a new credit card. Much to my dismay, after plugging in the card's number, I was transferred to a customer service rep. Just what I'd hoped to avoid. Really irritates me because I know I'm not going to want anything they're offering. I don't keep running credit card balances these days so I see no need for the balance insurance they're pushing. Anyway, I decided to be nice. I realize the woman on the other end was doing a job and probably ran up against negativity often. I simply allowed her to go through her script and at the end politely said "No, thank you, I'm not interested."

Now, in my world NO means I'm done. I mean what I say. Of course that's not how it is in her world so she moved on with script #2. I did interrupt her this time and said, one more time a little more solidly, I thought, "NO, thank you. I AM NOT interested." At which point she continued right on and I had to interrupt yet again.My face warming, my blood pressure rising a smidgen.The older I get the easier it's become to say NO and mean it the first time around, unfortunately,when my request is being ignored, I do tend to get a tad exasperated with the other party. I could hear her voice change from eagerness to complacency and then finally thanking me for my time and the call mercifully ended.

This episode got me to thinking how much easier NO comes with age. I honestly don't care anymore what the other person thinks of me during these types of phone calls.  After all, I don't know the person on the other end, they don't know me and once we're disconnected, that's the end of our short life connection. I know what I want and what I don't want. I'm not wishy-washy. Years ago, at times, I'd want to be nice because I was trying to show I was an adult, I guess. Not really sure. It's not that I'm not nice now, but I'm more forceful in my opinions and my actions when it comes to me. This may come from "Gray Power" or it may be a personality trait that evolved over the years. 

As I see it, one positive aspect of moving to fifty and beyond, at least in my world, is feeling the empowerment of saying NO, meaning it, and not feeling guilty about it.

A Little Fun..Who's the Best Lookn' President?

My soon to be daughter-in-law posted this website and it gave me a few laughs. The text under each picture is very entertaining!

Sexiest U. S. President

Personally, I liked Grant. Not his drinking problem but who could seriously blame him after what he went through in the Civil War? 

Washington was on the top of my list too. He was very tall, a commanding leader, and rode a white horse, at least in some of his pictures. When I looked this fact up, hoping to learn the name of the famous white horse, I discovered his favorite horse was actually a sorrel named Nelson. The white horse often seen in paintings was possibly his other favorite named Blue Skin. Ah, the goodness of the internet, facts at a finger tip!

My third pick was Theodore Roosevelt, though I'm not a fan of his politics, that's beside the point. The man was a true outdoorsman but I have a feeling probably rough around the edges and wanted things his way or no way.

I have never understood the appeal of John F. Kennedy or Bill Clinton. Now, I understand that Mr. Bill is a really sweet personality from both female and male accounts, but as far as physically....not in my book. Kennedy, I just never got it. I'm thinking because he was young at the time and forever etched in our history that way.

It was an amusing way to look at all our past and present presidents!

Sooooooo

So, I started this blog with the intention of simply voicing my opinions, my trials, my observations of being a woman who turned fifty this year. So far, looks like I'm not doing such a good job at keeping it going, but hoping to change that. Put myself on a schedule. It's not that I've had some new revelations, deciding there's not much going on for women over fifty, I just didn't want to gripe. Some days, that seems there's all there is and I at least want to be positive sometimes. My thoughts today, are sort of in the middle.


I've made an observation on several occasions, concerning women, and how families or loved ones set up their obituaries. Maybe it's just my issue but nonetheless, I'm guessing plenty of women my age may feel the same way. Last weekend one of my husband's cousins passed away, she was fifty five. I read her obit today. One item jumped out at me like a very sore thumb, her family listed her as a homemaker. Now, if you are happy and thrilled with that title, and there's no reason a woman shouldn't be if that's how her life was fulfilled, I would say it was an honor. However, if it's used just because the family didn't know how to define her life, didn't really know her very well, and it's used as a filler, then I find that sad and condescending, which, knowing the family, and this woman's life situation, it seemed to me they took the short cut.


I have warned my sons, and my husband, that if they must write up an obit for me one day NEVER, EVER, even consider putting down "she was a homemaker". I have never considered myself one. It was never a goal for my life. Yes, I have a wonderful family. I raised, along with a super husband, two fantastic sons. But I never, ever, considered myself a homemaker. Some women are perfectly fine with that description of their life, I am not. It's not that I've done great things in my life, but if I were listed as a "homemaker" in my obituary it would be a great big lie anyway. I've always managed to find things to do with my days and hours, when I quit working in the outside world, that had nothing to do with home making, or whatever that term homemaker really means. 

I pride myself that I graduated from Ohio University in 1988 with a BS degree while taking care of our two sons. It wasn't easy and took me ten years to complete, but I finished what I started. I've worked at a few things in my life, substitute teacher, lab tech, librarian, children's horseback riding instructor. I love animals, especially my two horses. I waited for them until I was forty three. I'm a writer and a reader. I'm a loving wife and best friend to a wonderful man I've had the good fortune to share the last 29+ years with. I think I've been a good mom to my sons. My husband and sons are the dearest people in the world to me. I love the life my husband and I have carved out over the years. But, I've never considered myself a homemaker.


Maybe I go on a little bit too much about this. But in my fifth decade, I hope my family knows that there's been more to me than they could probably ever put into a few paragraphs in an obituary. And I was thinking that for my husband's cousin, there was probably more too. The two descriptive lines about her life, "She was a homemaker. She graduated from (name of school) in 1974." seemed so empty to me. I thought they could have done a better job to celebrate her life, regardless of the hardships she'd encountered.


I realize it sounds like I'm demeaning the label homemaker. That's not my intention. But I believe sometimes, it's used loosely when no one can figure out what to say about a woman, especially an older woman.


So, the older I get the more these kinds of things seem a little more important to me. How our lives are defined can't be summed up in the paragraphs of an obituary, that much is certain. Our individuality goes beyond a couple of descriptive words but those words should be chosen wisely by the loved ones left behind, if they haven't already been chosen by the one who has passed on.

I like what my husband said about his cousin, he remembers her as having a good heart and being a caring person, despite the troubled adult life she'd led. Feelings like that you can't get from an obit.

Graying Hair

Graying hair makes a woman invisible.That's my observation. But you know, what, I don't care anymore!

I colored my hair since I was about 35. Kept it an auburn. I do have a reddish tint to the brown anyway. Had some blonde highlights a couple of times over the years. Never could get used to seeing myself in the mirror with those highlights. Always went back to a darker tint. But the past few years,I got tired of the coloring bit. I decided when I turned 50 this March, that was it! No more coloring. My hair is going to be what it's going to be. It's actually a feeling of release. It's not that I don't care about how I look, it's that I do care about how I feel and I am tired of the hair coloring upkeep. I'm not a celebrity who can get her hair touched up every four weeks so why keep fighting it?

Some women color their hair after fifty because they feel it makes them look younger. Honestly, it depends on the hair color, depends on the hair style, it depends on the woman's coloring, and it depends on the woman. Who am I to say they're wrong? If it makes them feel younger, then maybe in the process they do look younger. 

I take the other road. I've been low maintenance all my life and hair coloring was probably the most extensive thing I did for myself. That, and a little mascara. I've never been into make-up. I have good skin due to genetics. That aside, giving up the hair coloring this year makes me feel good because it helps me feel free. Unconfined. Non-conformist!  I'm not dictated by my graying roots anymore. Life after fifty should be about more freedom and that's my statement with my graying hair.

So it seems to me the Age of Invisibility can actually set a woman free!

It's OK, Really, I don't mind I'm not a grandma yet...

When women hit fifty other women assume you must be a grandma. NO, thank you very much, I am not a grandma yet and I'm quite fine with that. My sons have wonderful ladies in their lives and I'm sure they'll start their own families,eventually, for now, I am pleased as punch they're all getting their lives on the road they need to be on. They don't need children to complicate the path right now. A baby does change everything.

So, anyway, I get a little irritated when I meet up with women my age and one of the first things they start talking about is their grandchildren. I get even more irked when I'm told what joy I'm missing and how wonderful grandmotherhood is for them. I'm sure I'll enjoy my grandchildren, whenever they do arrive, but for now, I'm sure not concerned about it. I don't dream about it. I don't even think about it much. Actually, I don't think about it until I run into one of these grandmothers. 

My life will not revolve around my grandchildren just as my life didn't revolve around my sons when they were growing up. My sons and I were part of each others' lives but I found more joy in seeing them find their independence from their dad and I, with our guidance. Grandchildren will be a welcome addition but they will be a part of my life, not my life, after fifty.

The Mad Hatters

Heard there's a group of "older" ladies wearing hats, going into stores and thieving from other women. Well, honestly, I'm not going to call them ladies. That's too nice. What's with you? The rest of us over 50 have enough problems without this kind of attention. Good grief. You're suppose to be invisible. Hats do not make you disappear!  OH, and while you're out there stealing from other women, just remember, one of these times you're going to steal from some woman who ain't gonna take it politely.

Do people not realize there are cameras EVERYWHERE these days? Just makes me shake my head in amazement when I hear stories like this. Big Brother is watching. Sometimes that's a bad thing but in situations like this I hope they get you lazy a#$%& women who are stealing from others! SHAME on you!

I am a proud American but I do not cheer this week

You would think a conservative, Don't Tread On Me type of American would rejoice at the recent demise of the man we've come to know as UBL. I didn't hear the news until Monday morning. Quite honestly, I was horrified at the cheering in our American streets. This is not a ball game. This is real life and as much as some people would like it to be, it is not the end of anything, except one man's life.

I agree, it had to be done. I was proud of the team who went in there. It was surely a tough job. Our military is the finest in the world. My issue was the circus in the streets that ensued after the announcement of UBL's death. I don't understand people anymore. Just proves once again, I have moved from the top of the hill and am moving down the other side. I see and feel things differently than I did even 10 years ago when our country changed on that fateful day that UBL was responsible for, among his other atrocities. Yes, we triumphed, for the moment, but I fail to see how chanting U-S-A is appropriate. I was personally uncomfortable. It didn't feel right to me. In the words of my daughter-in-law, it just felt weird seeing the jubilation in the streets of NYC and Washington over the death of someone, even someone as horrible and evil as UBL.